Sunday, August 23, 2009

First time for everything...

Dear Stephen,

So many people tell me that you can see what is going on down here. Not sure if that's true or not. I always loved showing you pictures I had taken of our girls because for the most part, you didn't comment. But then you would see one you liked and your eyes would light up. I knew I had done good. So I just wanted to create a spot where I could come and show you what's going on since you can't be here with us.

We have had a crazy 4.5 months with so many ups and downs. Allot of downs but that just makes me appreciate the ups a little more. You would be so proud of your city and how everyone has pulled together to help us out. But even more than that, your city is proud of you!

The girls and I miss you like crazy. So much I want to talk to you about. It's been so hard on me to go from talking to you almost constantly to not being able to talk at all.

You did an amazing job at making sure we were going to be OK before you left us. I'm so incredibly proud to have been your wife and to have had the privilege of watching you show such strength and determination to accomplish your goals in life. You were my hero before April 4, 2009 ever happened. I love you no more now than I did on April 3 when you walked out of our house for the last time.

Our girls were at my Dad and Mom's for the weekend. They brought them to church tonight and they were so happy to be coming home. The girls were running around, chasing each other after church. So happy. We were almost home and Brooklynn told me that sometimes she forgets what you look like. Broke my heart. I told her that was OK and that when she did, she should go into the living room and look on the wall at the big picture of you or come ask me to show her a picture of you. I will never let them forget what a perfect Daddy they had and how much you adored them. Thank you for them...the best gifts you could ever give me.

Well, I need to go to bed.

Love you more than words could say,



  1. Brought tears to my eyes. This blog is a beautiful tribute to your husband.

  2. Crying....just beautiful. HUGE hugs! Love you lots!!

  3. Shandra, it's just perfect. I know I have talked to you a lot about journaling but I think just maybe it will be an outlet for you. You write beautifully and being able to express some of it is a gift. Not everyone has a great marriage or good memories but somehow writing some of it down, reminds us that we really were blessed. I always tell people that I know that I had more happiness in one day with Ray than most people have had in their entire lifetime! Wish you never had to go through this - Melodie